Wednesday, March 30, 2011

(Review) JAGERMEISTER

Mystique: 1-10
Score: 10 points
cool bottle, stag on the label this shit is METAL!

Color: 1-10
Score: 6 points
black?

Scent: 1-10
Score: 7 points
mouthwash

Initial Impression: 1-10
Score: 10 points
interesting

Mouthfeel: 1-10
Score: 8 points
blood

Taste: 1-10 x 4
Score: 8 x 4 = 32 points
Cough Medicine

Raw Score Total: 72 points

Bonus Points
Value: 1-10
Score: 3 points

Total Score: 77 points

Jagermeister. You say the name and it sounds tough. This is a mans drink. Or is it? It's German (you know the Germans always make good stuff) and its made in a place called Wolfenb├╝ttel. Can that name be any more metal? Throw up your devil horns and slam one down. This stuff is pounded down by bro’s and ho's at bars across America. It's used as a challenge and a rite of passage, but never for it's creators intention. “Yea man, and I heard it has elks blood in it too!” (it doesn't, this was a rumor started some time ago).

How does that happen you ask? What was it's intended purpose? Well a long time ago some German dude created a new digestif. WTF is that you ask? A drink designed to help you digest your dinner, meant to be taken in a dainty stemmed shot glass and sipped. Hardly metal, but the stuff worked. The combination of herbs and spices uses some holistic medicine approach and it helps you digest your dinner. No, not really, what it does is stops the formation of gas therefore making you feel better after a big meal and seemingly digest your food better. It's ‘snake oil’, like in the old western movies. “Doc Browns cure all will cure what ails you, only a nickle.”

The stuff is legit as I can attest, it does make you feel better after a big meal. So it's billed as a kind of medicine. Did it at one time have a legit purpose? Yes, it was issued to the German army as a field anesthetic. What! “Hey that Yank blew your arm off, here put some Jager on it!”

Yes folks, that's metal!

So you own a drink recipe that tastes like cough medicine, has a high alcohol content and looks like blood. What do you do with it? You market the hell out if it. Get it’s name out there and sponsor tons of stuff like car and speedboat racing and make it manly. But it's too sweet and tastes funny. Well you recommend that it only be drunk at below freezing temperatures. Yea man, perfect! Just think, we'll name it tough, put some religious symbolism on the bottle and sponsor a metal concert tour!

All kidding aside I like the stuff, it does get rid of gas and its fun to pound a few. I would not recommend it at room temperature because it takes on this weird pancake syrup flavor and it'll coat a glass like paint, but frozen and chased by a beer it's a fun evening. I cannot say it's a great value. It's fairly expensive, but no more so than other specialty liquors. Save it for that after dinner shot or make a Jagerbomb with some Redbull at the bar (that’s the most popular form of mixer - it always has the word bomb in it). When you drink it always remember to make up some extra shit about it's history or ingredients to scare or impress your friends with and you can't go wrong. Whatever it is not, what it is, is fun! Hells yea!

1 comment:

  1. Interesting review. I wonder, does it 'milkify' when you add water, since it has Anise and Liquorice in it.

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